Sometimes its just a pizza night

Creating and maintaining balance in mine and my family's life is a topic I have been discussing with friends recently. The often delicate line of time at home or out of the house, individual needs of 6 people (of course not always being the same), time as a family, planned or unplanned time and which group activities to participate. When should we choose some down time and when will 4 activities be energizing. Throw the fluctuating emotions of very different ages and personality types into the mix and the balance can be tipped. I am learning, I am trying to tune in to when we need to pull back and when feasting on activities might work. Sometimes when a rhythm seems to emerge, naps change, teething starts, emotional growth happens and we need to start again.

The other day we were starting again. It was one of those days that wasn't too over scheduled; dance class for one while my other two get to be the centre of attention to all the other mums (which they love), and just before dinner our french co-op. It was also one of those days that just didn't start out on the right foot. There were emotional meltdowns by 8a.m., Shai wanted to be nursed none stop, there was no clean laundry and no one could find anything they wanted to eat for breakfast. I felt determined to rise to the challenge (it was Monday after all); nursing on the go in the sling, hugging and cuddling in between laundry and muffin making. By 10 a.m. there was a whole container of juice spilled, the bucket of playmobile spilled, children refusing to dress and the car keys gone missing. I was starting to feel more challenged then determined.

Sigh. Children dressed, keys found off to dance class. Class goes well, kids fight all the way home in car. After a very tense lunch sandwiched with bickering, we decide as a family to do some table work (because in retrospect that is what we needed to do!). It went as well as you can imagine; ending with proud mum moments (kwim), all three kids in their rooms listening to books on tape while I nursed on the couch chatting to a friend on the phone.
After venting and great suggestions, I gathered the kids and went for a walk. I came home and put a movie on. In the quiet I decided pizza was the best option for dinner and called Chris to pick it up. Thank goodness for pizza. The food, but also the process of letting go, of giving in to a hard day and taking care by choosing the ease of pizza. Granted it took me until the end of the day (thankfully not always), but it was freeing to let go.

It's interesting because the next day was extremely busy; table time, store to buy track pants, grocery store to shop, home for lunch, three hot meals made from scratch (really good ones too), fishing and hiking, library, running around the track and family time. Not once did we feel stressed, or rushed or overwhelmed. The rhythm was smooth and peaceful. Perhaps the crash of the day before was making way for a new flow, a shift.

I try to live my life intentionally, aware of my choices and what I am choosing. This is sometimes easier than at others. I think that some days are pizza days. Days we need to treat ourselves with kindness, that sometimes we need to surrender to the flow of life and that of our families. I believe our choice to home school provides a lifestyle in which I can see more clearly the ebb and flow, it gives me and my children the freedom (and sometimes the wisdom) to listen to how we need to spend the day (even if it's in retrospect). I can change the schedule more often than not if I need to. We can choose to be busy and out all day, we can choose to spend it in our pj's reading books on the couch, we can cook three meals a day or order pizza. The gift though is in honouring our needs, being in touch with where we are at, and realizing the wonderful moments that come with letting go. Perhaps balance is not smooth sailing which I have been equating it with. Perhaps it is the flow. The back and forth, the up and down like a teeter totter. The movement of life as opposed to the juggling to maintain a steady scale. I think we have shifted.