Growing

Skating at the pond has become a favorite winter activity for my older kids. Shai also comes along, but he joins us with very little excitement about the venture. He usually brings a shovel and big trucks to play in the snow with and a sled for rides on the ice. I always ask if he wants to put on a pair of skates and give them a try, but he has shown not even the slightest bit of interest. His reluctance has never bothered me. I am not attached to when he decides to try skating, perhaps next year or the year after that. I trust that when he feels ready he will let me know.

The last time at the pond, when everyone else was on the ice he said he was ready. He did great, skating in my arms around the pond. As I was untying his skates I got to thinking about how I have changed as parent over the years. How things that seemed so incredibly important and time sensitive no longer hold value in the same way. Like skating. Or swimming. Or programming in general. It was never overboard or forced, just a different approach. I often felt like time was passing by incredibly quickly and that there was a sense of urgency, needing to involve them in different miles stones. Time was passing quickly, I was a mama with three kids under four. It was busy, often worrying I would miss things. Like there chance at skating.

I am not busy in the same with Shai. I don't feel that urgency or need to put him in those lessons, that we might miss out otherwise. I have a lot more trust that the important things will be accomplished and that what isn't as important (a list that has changed) doesn't need my energy.

Another mother was recently commenting about Shai being toilet 'trained' and how did we accomplish that. If she had asked with my first two kids I could have referred her to the books I had read, the special basket we had set up in the bathroom, the sticker chart, the books, the special soap, the challenges. With Shai, I waited until he mentioned wanting to use the bathroom. Then we stopped putting him in diapers, offered the bathroom and if there was an accident we changed him. After a week or so he never looked back. No stress, no charts, no books.

I don't reflect on those days of charts or swimming lessons for my 6 month old and cringe or fill with regret. Not at all. Parenting is a part of your life that doesn't stop evolving. I look back and think about all the ways my children have taught me, to trust, to be open and to accept. I am appreciating this, where it has brought me.